Control: Drugs Feel Good

I, Dalton Lewis, used to drink alcohol. I imagine that a lot of adults have drunk alcohol. When I was a kid I thought that I would never drink alcohol or use drugs, imagining that they would turn me into a maniacal serial killer or an abuser of women or something. I didn’t approve of drinking at all. I didn’t like when other people did it to excess.

I went to my cousin’s college to hang out with him when I was a senior in high school. He and his friends listened to ’90s music and some classic rock and danced and drank alcohol. I told them that I didn’t think that I would ever drink alcohol.

At college I started drinking alcohol. My friend told me that I should know what alcohol is like so that I wouldn’t demonize liquor and so that I should have that life experience — of drinking. I remember taking four shots in about an hour of vodka. I remember walking to a home where we would listen to a teen rock band cover Metallica. The basement was a place that was packed by people listening to people playing Metallica poorly — but it was fun. I saw the light and thought that the light looked different than any light had ever looked. I needed food more than anything in existence. The food — at a Mexican restaurant that was an icon in Iowa City — tasted better than any burrito had ever tasted. I was hooked.

At college I drank on the weekends. I noticed the world around me and noticed my studies. I knew to pay attention, plan my life, eat carefully, and work out and get good grades. I balanced and juggled my life’s responsibilities well enough to graduate from the University of Iowa with good grades. I didn’t drink to excess more than once a week.

After college schizophrenia derailed a lot of my life, and it also derailed my thinking and planning. With a mental illness I no longer think about my day-to-day as closely. I didn’t work out very much after that. I didn’t exercise any more. I focused on getting better. I began to gain weight. Then I began to drink every day.

I quit a couple times. I quit because of a girl, and then I quit because I moved in with a roommate who didn’t deserve a roommate who drank every night. I continued to drink, though, after those situations ended. I remember making sure to write something or hang out until four pm or so and then start drinking. I tried to make certain not to drink very much and failed. I drank every night for a year or two and then realized that it had taken over my life. Fully half my waking time I could hardly finish sentences or do anything except sit there and wallow and hate myself. I quit. It took half a dozen tries, but I managed to quit drinking. It has been about a dozen years, and I still don’t drink. I think that if I can do it any of you could quit drinking too.

I read an article today about the opiod epidemic and the fact that people profit off of it. I find it a little disturbing that companies make billions selling painkillers and meds that can get you high. I don’t know if these companies should be proud of themselves for doing this. They have been found guilty in court. I don’t know if I could do that — sell products that hurt people. I’m not sure if they should, either.

Thanks, and take care, friends.