Control: Fan Fiction Reads

I, Dalton Lewis, published part three of my fan fiction. Writing about my favorite characters from all of fiction is a delight. It also means something to me because I loosely base it on the current delusions in my mind caused by my paranoid schizophrenia.

I remember walking through the mall playing video games and eating mall food. I would order rice and chicken and shrimp and a teriyaki sauce and a large diet drink which was enormous. I would eat it all, every last bit, and be proud of myself for adding the vegetables. Then came video games. There was an arcade in the mall then, not a bar and video game place the way they have now. I played games over and over. As I played I would think about being framed, over and over, in my head, trying to prove my innocence and failing, over and over. Screaming in my head did nothing to lessen this problem.

I tried writing a book about my bout with paranoid schizophrenia. I failed to describe it correctly. I just wrote in plain terms about my life. No one noticed it or responded to it. This should have been my masterpiece — instead it became my greatest failure. This should have been the great American novel.

Why? Why do we fail, as people, as writers, as Americans? I don’t know. I know that I wrote a book that didn’t work. I remember being so crazy that I couldn’t find my car in the parking lot. I looked and looked and looked but couldn’t find it. I was obsessing in my head, too, worrying about people being hurt very badly, in bizarre and grotesque ways. I tried writing about that sort of thing, too, but it didn’t become anything.

Why does my horror fail and Stephen King’s succeed? I don’t know. No one reads my horror. I try to create the most terrifying, devastating, real allegories that I can find, but no one responds. I’m floating around a huge ocean, flailing away but not swimming, just desperate and scared.

Fan fiction, though, has readers. I have 200 reads this month already. I know, right — 200 reads. That’s good. That’s a hit for me. I’m proud of myself. Why do the novels never sell but the fan fiction does? I don’t understand. I just have to go with it. I write about unhappy young men, men like Abaddon, and unhappy young women, like Celestine, a very hurting girl. I give them impossible situations and see how they do.

My third installment of the fan fiction has readers, but not as many as part one. I don’t know if that means anything. I just want to note that I write very hard on these projects, and some succeed while others fail. That’s all I wanted to say about that.

Thanks, and take care, friends.

Dalton Lewis wrote a fantasy novel about a group of young philosophers.