Control: I’m Not Sure if God is Real

I, Dalton Lewis, don’t believe in God, but I’m not sure, and I respect people who do believe in God — quite a bit. My friends mostly believe in God. Mom and Dad never made me go to church and said that I could believe whatever I wanted — but I naturally believed in agnosticism because they did. I became a Democrat because the family was Democrat and I believed in universal education and health care and unions.

Why? Why isn’t there a God who created everything? I mean, everything is a lot to create. There are people living on Earth in the year 2020. There are also other planets in our solar system, unfathomably bigger than a person on Earth. There are then other solar systems in this galaxy, incredibly far from each other. Then there are other galaxies that are also very, very large. Someone has to have been incredibly skilled and powerful to have created all of this.

I am writing a novel about religion and religious beliefs. I think that it will help me to figure out how I feel about this topic. It’s very important — I think that it’s important. I have been trying to write it, but it has been derailed by my mental health problems. I don’t know how to write it effectively and intelligently. I don’t know how to write it correctly.

Finnegan believes in God. Gilbert believes in a Jewish God. Richie believes in God and has a tattoo about the soul existing. They all think that someone created all of us in some form. Why isn’t it true? Someone might have created the Big Bang and created all of us. I don’t know if that person is all-knowing or all-good, but that person might exist.

I think that there’s a big difference between thinking that someone created everything and thinking that someone manipulates our daily lives and steps in for the people who believe in Him. I could believe in a God who created everything, wished us well, and doesn’t give a fuck about the day to day lives of the humans on Earth, a tiny planet very far away from Him. I don’t believe that a God micromanages things on Earth. That seems unlikely if we haven’t found any evidence of such a person watching us and changing things. I think that someone may have built the universe. That’s possible.

I remember my friends praying when they were very little. I remember not praying with them. I sit, in my room, a mentally ill man, wondering what’s real and what’s not. I’m not sure if I will ever know.

Thanks, and take care, friends.