Control: Should I Go Out?

I, Dalton Lewis, think that I still should not go into a place that has a large number of people — because I might fucking die. Death means dead, gone, rotting in the ground, or burnt to a crisp, and no longer affecting this world at all — at least for the foreseeable future. Ghosts are bullshit. Religion is bullshit. Death is eternal at the current level of technology, and Covid-19 kills you — it has already killed 200,000 of your fellow Americans. Gatherings are stupid now. I don’t know why — I just don’t want to die. That’s it — I don’t want to die…and I might die if I go out. I’ve worked out this year a significant amount but haven’t lost any weight either. I need to lose more weight and be healthier.

What should happen? I should stay in and work out and eat smart. I ate a burger from a burger joint last night, and fries, and a shake. I ate those around ten p.m. when I normally order food from a restaurant for delivery. I do this when I haven’t spent any other money during the day, which is most days now.

Philip and I went to Buffalo Wild Wings a few weeks ago and ate inside, and we regretted it. People were six to ten feet away from us, inside, and they weren’t wearing masks because they were eating. I don’t want to get Covid-19 because we are so close to a vaccine rollout. I don’t want to die just before the end of this insanity.

Why? Why do people gather in groups during this insanity? I don’t understand. And getting on planes! People get on planes and travel from city to city wearing masks — or not wearing them. I don’t understand.

8.2 million infections happened in the United States of America because we are slow and lazy to self-isolate and wear masks. 220,000 Americans are dead because we don’t self-isolate and wear masks until this insanity is over — when there is a vaccine to this madness.

There are 169 or so new cases in Lake County, where I live, today. We are orange on the Covid-19 map on the New York Times website. Orange isn’t good — orange means that we are getting sicker, sicker every day.

You know what the disturbing and ironic thing is? I shouldn’t eat fattening foods. I shouldn’t be fat. I don’t know why I am fat. That’s just as bad as going out during Covid-19. It doesn’t make sense to be fat. I shouldn’t do it. I should eat healthy foods and work out regularly. Why do we do these self-destructive behaviors? We should eat healthy foods. We should fucking eat salads for meals. We should work out six days a week, a decent amount of cardio workout and some weight-lifting. Why don’t we do any of that?

Why?

Why don’t I eat better and work out? Why do people go out during a virus outbreak and risk getting sick? I don’t understand.

I don’t understand basic human behavior, basic human self-destructive behavior. I see fat people at Burger King all the fucking time. We sit there, eating Whoppers, eating fries, eating fucking shakes. We gorge ourselves on food that makes us sick, sick with heart disease and diabetes and other health problems.

I am going to start a food journal: record my eating habits and see what it shows about my body and its level of health. I also want to write down notes on what I notice about the books that I read. I think that will help me to write more effectively and read more effectively and be a better, healthier person and writer.

Will this work? Will anything change? I doubt it, but I want to try to lose weight and write better. I should at least try everything — everything — that I can to improve my lot in life. That means hard work and an overwhelming amount of effort to make it in life.

Thanks, and take care, friends.