Control: The Greater Good

I, Dalton Lewis, believe in the greater good. I want people to be the best that they can be, in this life and any next. I am trying to play the tau miniatures in the game that we play, Warhammer 40k. They want to do the right thing — no matter what. They want to be the heroes. I just look at the world around me and find nothing but arguments, criticism, and just plain bad behavior. I want to rise above that.

Strangers can be cruel to each other. I remember sitting in an Uber, waiting for the Uber driver to drive me home from the movie theater. I had just seen a comic-book movie at Gurnee theater. I got into the car and we rode in silence until it happened. I farted. I know — I hate myself too. I am ashamed. How dare I? Yet I did.

He got so fucking mad. He looked back at me. “I will fuck you up,” he said. “I’ve driven people all around, North Chicago, Waukegan, and I tolerate anything. I will fuck you up. This is unacceptable.” I sat there, not saying anything, desperately scared that he will bother to kill me.

“I’m sorry,” I said. I couldn’t do anything to calm him down. He looked at me, and I died inside.

“I know where you live,” he said. “And don’t give me two stars or one star or any of this nonsense. Don’t you fucking betray me.”

“No,” I said. “I wouldn’t do that.”

I never heard from him again.

This sort of shit happens all the time. People urinate on someone’s car. I remember Finnegan and I were drinking at a bar. Someone urinated on his car, and he hardly apologized for it. This was fifteen years ago or so.

I play tau at Warhammer 40k. I like that they want to be good people. They believe in doing the right thing — no matter what. They believe in the greater good.

If we believe in the greater good why are there millions of homeless people? Why are so many of my fellow schizophrenics scared and unemployed? I don’t understand.

Why aren’t we decent to each other? Accusations of cheating at Warhammer 40k are at an all-time high. People are screaming about games with wargaming miniatures. People are cheating at a little dice game. Why? Why do they do that? But they do.

I can’t count the number of times Terry or Philip have complained bitterly about the cheating and the unfairness and the people who don’t play according to the rules. I get sick of them having to play against such players. I don’t usually see it as much because I play in the bottom half of the draw most of the time — I’m not in the running to win a tournament so it doesn’t matter to cheat as much against me.

I’m trying the tau. I’m trying to build beautiful mecha robots with fish people inside. I’m trying — in the real world — to be nice to people regardless of their treatment of me. I will try — for the greater good.

Thanks, and take care, friends.