Control: Weight Loss and Mental Health
I, Dalton Lewis, am a fat crazy person. I am overweight and mentally ill. I know that there are a lot of us: crazy people struggling with weight issues. I have been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia — have lived with paranoid schizophrenia for twenty years. I don’t remember what it was like to be sane. I don’t remember who I was when I was sane.
I’m fat, too. I’ve been overweight for twenty years, too. I gained weight when I got sick. I stopped paying attention to what I was eating. I stopped eating healthy foods. I stopped eating three square meals a day and instead started to eat a lot of food, unhealthy food, bad food, burgers and candy at the movies and popcorn and the like. I didn’t eat poorly every meal — but I ate poorly enough of the time to gain weight slowly. Over the course of twenty years I went from 180 pounds to 310 pounds.
My mom interrupted, begging me to eat better. She didn’t want me to forever be overweight. She wanted me to cut down to three meals a day. I was eating four meals a day. I didn’t realize that I was eating four meals a day, but I was. That’s how far out of reality that I was. I didn’t think about the world around me.
Then I started to eat better and work out more often. I started to take walks during the summer months. I would take a walk every day, getting my heart rate elevated to good levels. I enjoyed getting out and getting a chance to daydream for an hour, just me and my thoughts, nothing else bothering me, no television, no music, just me.
During the winter I am a victim to the television: I either do the exercise bike while watching the television or I do a youtube video exercise which is a 30 minute cardio exercise. It is a wonderful beginner’s exercise which gets my heart rate going and helps me to be in better shape.
Why do we continue to eat poorly? I don’t understand. I usually eat quite well. I don’t eat candy every day. I don’t eat donuts for every meal. I don’t eat a pizza every time I eat. I don’t eat very many french fries. I usually eat healthy food, including fish, chicken and vegetables. Today I have eaten a banana and a BBQ chicken flatbread pizza — a healthy pizza. I haven’t eaten any sweets today. I am about to do my workout for the day. I’m back; I did my workout and then ate dinner. Beef strogannoff (sp?) and broccoli was dinner. I still haven’t eaten any candy today.
Mental health? Well, it’s complicated. I am healthier than I have been in years. I can write, I can read, and I can communicate with people effectively. I can make complicated stories with ideas that track from chapter to chapter. I am currently writing a novel that is a fantasy realm retelling of the American Civil War. I want to show a terrible war in which people do atrocious things and yet a few flawed people save more people than one can imagine.
And yet…
I still talk to myself. I still make up stories in my head. I still tell stories in my head. I still don’t fully control the stories inside of my head. Voices talk to me in my mind. I don’t control everything that happens inside of my mind. I can’t work a normal job.
This is my life. I work out; I recommend it. Live a healthy lifestyle. Eat well. Don’t eat bad food except for special occasions. You will live a healthier and happier lifestyle. I’m trying, and that’s the important part.
Thanks, and take care, friend.
